Brutally Honest Airbnb Property Reviews:

1. “The throw pillows on the couch are so pretty.  I decided to take them all home.”

2.  “I loved the view from the deck of the beach and pool area.  It was the perfect place for me to practice naked yoga.”

3. “The master bathroom was serene and the tub was very spacious.  It made my first water birth experience extra special.”

4. “The owner keeps a vacuum in the hall closet.  Worked great for sucking up vomit.”

5. “Terrific natural lighting in the condo!  Made it a perfect place to film a porn movie.”

6. “This home was very pet-friendly.  I ended up leaving some of my cats there as they seemed to really enjoy the residence.”

7. “The gourmet kitchen was spacious and well-equipped.  A great spot for skinning and cleaning the deer we hunted.”

8. “The washer and dryer worked like a dream!  My child had a violent case of diarrhea.  For the most part, everything seemed to come out of the sheets.”

9. “The owner was so helpful leaving the spare key for unit 105 in the brown pot next to the back door.”

10.  “There were ample towels available.  These came in handy when I had to clean my colostomy bag.”

11.   “The proximity to the highway was great.  It made it easier for the hookers I hired to find me.”