We're the couple from the Sandals Resort ads and we're here to make you feel insecure about your romantic relationship

Hello, my name is Alessandra and this is my partner Johannes.  On behalf of Sandals Resort we would like to welcome you to the Sandals Resort advertisements. We will be the fictional couple featured in this ad for you to observe with envy.   

 

This online commercial will last approximately thirty seconds so sit back, relax, and enjoy the unattainable narrative our creative advertising agency, digital production company, copywriters, account managers, and branding experts have carefully crafted based on focus groups and market research.

 

Right now we would like to take a moment to familiarize you with our imaginary relationship and briefly discuss some ways we plan to make you feel insecure about your current romantic relationship.

 

First, we ask that you remain seated in front of your device and not to turn it off or throw it across the room in disgust, anger, and/or resentment as you see our scantily clad, toned, and bronzed bodies frolicking lovingly on the beach while sharing witty banter. 

 

Second, please realize our constant touching while gazing longingly into each other’s eyes and our perky pectoral musculature are subliminally intended to spark jealousy and self-doubt, thus subconsciously compelling you to purchase an all-inclusive Sandals Resort vacation package.       

 

We would like to show you a bit more about the 16 all-inclusive Sandals Resorts in the Caribbean and how your romantic relationship could be just like ours if you vacation with us.   Here you can see Alessandra and I taking advantage of the couple’s massage, which is offered, beachside in Barbados.  Yes, we are overly affectionate because getting a massage in a tropical location next to your partner with a vigorous libido increases feelings of intimacy, connectedness, and overall happiness.  

 

Next, Sandals Resorts let you steal away quiet moments of togetherness in our captivating pools.  Here in Sandals Granada you can see Johannes and me opening our bedroom door, after we have clearly made passionate love for hours, to reveal our private infinity plunge pool.  Johannes, dressed in a simple white Speedo, and me in a plunging deep-v barely their one-piece swimsuit, submerge our rigidly fit bodies as a cohesive unit into the refreshing basin of erotism.  

 

Sandals Resorts offer a wide variety of inclusions for you and your romantic partner to enjoy.  Here you can see Alessandra seductively lick her lips after enjoying Sandal’s premium candlelit dining, spirits, and house wine options at the Sandals Grand Antigua Resort.  And here you can see our mutual bliss as we enjoy a couple’s tennis clinic, pedaling in unison on aqua bikes, and playing couples beach volleyball with other aesthetically gifted individuals.  

 

This Sandals Resort ad will be coming to a close shortly.  Johannes and I would like you to take this opportunity to enjoy one last pictorial montage of us dancing on the beach to Calypso music, me gently caressing Johannes cheek with my hand as we enjoy butler service on our veranda, and soaking together in a rose petal and essential oil infused bathtub.  Please double check that you have not forgotten to jot down the Sandals website address or our 1-800 number so you too can book your next all-inclusive vacation at one of Sandals sixteen luxury resorts.    

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© 2019 by STACEY ZAPALAC : COMEDY WRITER

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